For those of you who know, and for those who don’t, I have been dealing with some major life changes within the last 6 weeks of returning home from the road trip. Finding my purpose again, trying to figure out where to live, and dealing with the D word, my life has been turned upside down. From walking Disney Parks with a smile on my face and my phone streaming the magic, I wake up with anxiety attacks which last the entire day. I start to feel normal, try to run, walk, and it all floods back and the anxiety is like a gorilla that sits on my chest. It doesn’t want to move, it doesn’t want to feel anything but pain, sadness, and grief. I can’t eat, but I sleep a lot….my body is most calm when I sleep and the dreams and thoughts of what “would be” seem to fade off more and more each day.
Oh, I have listened to the podcasts, read the self-help books, found a therapist, journaled and then some….and yet the pain remains. I have been dealing with this for a week now, and yesterday wound up in the Hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. You all know I am a happy person, I tend to be joyful and see the best in life. But yesterday was like a 1000 pound gorilla sat on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. Scared, in shock, I went and got checked out. Thank God, my heart is ok, and that I was told I had a very severe anxiety attack. Then the Wellness clinic I headed to for an assessment so they could give me the best options to deal with it all. Outpatient program I can start in the middle of the month (no openings right now) but until then, Xanax has become my bestie along with a very high dosage of CBD oil.
Here’s the kicker, I was fine a month ago. I had a hold on this and was damn proud of how I was processing so much, and then I was promised another road which I got excited about, and then it was ripped away. So the wound that was on it’s way to healing was violently opened up and then left to bleed out. I know I am not the only one who must feel this type of anxiety, and frankly, it’s just uncomfortable to wear. I am not this person, I like to smile and sing in my car, not cry on the couch or scream in my pillow. I was happy, I was fine. I feel absolutely cheated out of who I was, a brain chemical that has somehow switched on that it overrides the rational side of what truly is.
I never knew it could be like this, convincing yourself to shower, to take another step, to get out of bed. I never knew that so many things could trigger the anxiety during the day, that it would be like a movie on repeat in your head so nothing else could be focused on. I have tried to shock myself out of it, something that would just jolt me out of this sadness. I went to “Hellsgate” Haunted House in the Chicago area, and the entire time, I didn’t blink. I walked through the haunted cemetery, woods, and then house, without blinking at the scare actors jumping out at me. I fit right in, I was the zombie they didn’t know they needed. I was hoping to get so scared from something that the real Amy would jump back into my body and I could move on with my life.
I am taking a trip with Kyra soon, a Mom and Daughter adventure, and I am hoping that will help a lot. Getting out of this area I have been grieving in and see my “constant” Kyra will help and just being able to love and focus on someone else should help. I ask for your prayers and good thoughts…this is very new territory for me and the pain is just a lot to bare. I know I should be thankful for what I have in my life, I do, and I thank EACH OF YOU who have reached out to pray, message, call, or just love on me. Sometimes these situations can make you feel like you are lost, alone, and when you are rocking on a couch and bawling, it feels hopeless and endless.
I share this with you today because I was encouraged to share an update and I have always tried to keep it as real as possible. We can share with others without oversharing, and yes, we don’t have to share at all. I feel talking about it will help someone else, that my pain and struggle may help someone else out there right now feel not so alone. As I posted on Facebook, “I’m not okay, but I will be.” To all of those dealing with anxiety for whatever reason- I see you, you are not alone, we will get through this.
Back in 2009 when I started the blog, I didn’t expect much. I thought I would write a bit, maybe meet some new people, and find a resource or two in helping with the biggest move I had ever done. Now being 2021, I look back at that almost 12 years later, and I am blessed to have so many of the “OG” friends that I made that first year still in my life today. And one of the first friends I made was Eric Golden, who had found the blog and we just started up a friendship on Facebook on April 6th, 2010, as these things tend to happen. Wow, just hit me it’s been 11 years.
December 5th, 2011… Eric and family come on their magical vacation. They invite me to hang out with them at Animal Kingdom, and how special, we meet for the first time on Walt Disney’s Birthday! (My Dad’s as well!) We had such a great time. The boys were so little then, and number three wasn’t even in the picture yet! We did the Character Breakfast at Tusker House, and I just remember them doing a parade around the Restaurant and watching him and the family laughing and having so much fun with it.
Disney World announces that they are going to do the FIRST EVER 24 hour Magic Kingdom day, on leap day, February 29th, 2012, from start to stop, you could spend 24 hours inside the Park …. basically a gauntlet had been thrown for us “Seasoned Disney” folks, and of course, I rose to the task! Eric reaches out to me and says “Hey, I am coming for it, I’ll be on my own, do you want to hang out at it?” To which I replied, “Heck yeah” because I was going it solo that 24 too. We met up at a WDW Radio event, he met my family, for the first time, who came in for a bit to say hi and spend time, and then they left and it was the Midnight to 6 or 7 a.m. that we goofed around and just enjoyed the magic. We were both so exhausted by the time we walked out.
Fast forward, 2017 I decide on my first road trip, birthed out of going to see my family in Wisconsin, and driving up from Florida. He invites me to come over to D.C. and stay at his home, which at first I am nervous about because it was my first time on the road by myself, but secondly, I hadn’t stayed with other families before and I was just hesitant. Of course, in Eric and Dannelle fashion, they made me feel welcome, and we would go and visit the Bull Run area before he would take me to my first ever D.C. visit.
We parked at his Mom’s home, and she took us to the nearest Metro Station. It was so nice to meet his Mom, and even his sister that evening when they picked us up again. I rode the Metro for the first time, Eric explaining to me what looked like a Nasa Station of buttons and whistles to choose which ticket and line to ride. And I will never forget us coming out of the tunnel and into D.C. and him watching me freak out at everything I had always seen on tv or in textbooks come to life before my very eyes. We walked from the Navy Memorial to Lincoln and back, our feet we were sure would never be the same. We got back to the Golden household and Dannelle had made us this incredible soup, and he laid down on one couch, me on the other, and we ate the soup with bowls on our chest, barely being able to move. We laughed so hard at how ridiculous we looked, but it’s a memory we brought up every time after that we were together.
He loved Orange Bird, a Disney Character many don’t know exists, and I did as well. So I brought him one on my second trip to see them in 2018, where we walked D.C. again, this time parking at Arlington and walking to the Capitol, then catching luck with a tour bus driver that he happened to know he took us back to our parking lot. Our feet thanked him kindly. That same trip, Eric knows I am a huge scary movie fan, so he took me to the Exorcist stairs in Georgetown where they filmed a scene of the priest falling (pushed?) down this huge flight of stairs. We reenacted this scene, a long with Orange Bird in it, and we had a blast….laughing the whole time at how ridiculous we looked. For dinner we hit “Broiler Pizza” which was his FAVORITE pizza place, so he had to share with me. We just sat and ate, laughed, and reminisced about our day. And of course, another Orange Bird pic! (We had made it a game to take his pic all over D.C. and then I continued that my entire 2 months on the road in 2018).
The last time I would see Eric, was back in late November of 2020, the family came to Disney World, which I am so thankful for those memories now…for myself and his family. We played at Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom, hitting up the familiar rides and some new ones. I made sure we had lunch at Cosmic Rays, a favorite of his, and we sat front and center to listen to Sonny Eclipse. He was in Disney heaven! I had been in Rays the day I was informed he was intibated, and it wasn’t happy anymore…. I just started at that table where we were all just laughing and having a good time and trying to wrap my head around how this was happening. I just sat, cried, prayed, and hoped for the best. Every day, hoping that he would come back from this, and I would be chatting with him again about his next Disney trip and our plans we had made on this road trip coming up.
It would be 2 weeks ago today that I was walking out of Disney Studios, and I had just started to get back into the routines again after my Step-Dad’s heart attack. Driving out to Texas and back, I was consumed with my own life and problems, and I am sure some will think that is selfish, but I don’t know why since it was my family emergency and it took all my brain power to deal with the crisis at the time. As life goes, people come in and out all the time. People get busy, life changes every day, so I stopped taking personal people not returning phone calls, emails, and just chalked it up to something is also going on with them- we will connect when the timing is there. And with the lovely algorithms of Social Media, sometimes I don’t see everyone’s updates, statuses, etc. My inner circle, and outer, usually knows to contact me directly if something is urgent, and not to rely on me seeing it on my timeline.
I had a decent day, happy to get to the car and start the journey home when I started getting text messages from Eric. He explained he had been in the ICU since 3.28 and that’s why he had been so quiet and that he was thinking of me during MY dark storm with Bob. He said he needed to talk to me, so he called and I asked him how he was, what could I do, how his wife and kids were doing, and that I was so sorry he was going through this and dealing with so much pain. I had shared before on FB that we shared a laugh when I told him that the family was getting vaccinated, and he said “Why is your family evacuating?” Yeah, the phone connection wasn’t the best, and after I repeated what I said, we both were laughing because he said “Why would your family need to evacuate?” But I was hearing “vaccinate” and you can assume my confusion since he was in there for Covid. He had just gotten off a CPAP machine, and said he was feeling a little better and that he just wanted to reach out while he could. What hurts the most is that a nurse came in and he had to go abruptly, so I just remember saying “Im praying for you Eric, get better soon, let’s talk again when you can.” And he said goodbye and I went on with my day, lifting up in prayer. Less than 24 hours later they intibated him. Eric was to be vaxxed 2 days after he went into the ICU.
For the last two weeks, I have checked that man’s FB page morning, noon, and night. Any update, any hope that was interlaced I was holding onto. I couldn’t imagine what his wife was going through, his kids, his outer family and friends….and I held onto the light he would be ok.
Fast forward to yesterday, Craig and I had taken a weekend away to enjoy St. Augustine and then Space Coast, having fun hanging out and playing with my GoPro. I kept checking Eric’s page, over and over again. No news was good news right? And then it was the end of the day, and I had pulled my phone out to take a pic of a shirt that I liked the saying on, and a dear friend sent her condolences about Eric to me. And I just stopped. Everything stopped. I turned to look for Craig who was buying shirts for our girls, and I just walked up to him and said “Eric died.” We just stood in this NASA gift shop silent, the irony finding out here since Eric first took me to see the Shuttle at the Air and Space Smithsonian near his home. You all know that moment….the silence of stopping. There is a million sounds, but all you can hear is your heart beat growing louder, the tears swelling up, the mood shifting in your brain and almost the feeling of getting sick. We bought our stuff, left, and drove home. Not enough tears in the World.
This isn’t a “pity me” post or a “sympathy” it is simply a life account of how I met this beautiful man and how our story began and ended. It’s still not real, and I am still trying to wrap my head around this, wide awake at 3 a.m. with it all screaming at me in my head. I can still see him and I laughing about the 3 our long Gettysburg CD tour we took with the whole family in the van and how is youngest just kept singing over and over again “Remember Me” from Disney’s “Coco” movie. Incredibly fitting song now. And as Illuminations would say it “We go on”… a World without that loveable and silly guy, but a legend he leaves of love, compassion, kindness, and friendship. He was like a brother to me, and I will always be grateful for the role he played in my life, and I sincerely hope I played a good one in his. Please keep his wife and three boys in your thoughts and prayers, I cannot imagine the pain they are dealing with and they can use as much as you can send their way.
Until we meet again Eric…. May you be drumming with the angels, hugging on Jesus, and I just imagine you trying to find Walt so you can talk his ear off about everything you loved about Disney. Goodnight my sweet friend.
I think it was a Staple’s commercial where there was a big, red button you could press to reset something, and I always thought “Wow, how handy that would be.” How many times we all find ourselves going down one path, nothing seemingly wrong, and then BAM, you are turned, twisted, and left on something you don’t even recognize. That’s how I equate the last several weeks of my life, and it’s taking me a bit to travel back to my original road. Patience, not my strong point, hope it’s yours.
I am coming to the 7 week countdown soon here and I am SOOOOOO not prepared yet. If anything of my impromptu trip to Texas taught me is that I have so much to get ready for and so much that I cannot possibly plan, but just let happen. A quick update on Bob- he is doing well and he going into a Rehab center for a short period of time to just help move recovery a long a bit quicker. Mom is well and enjoying the space and quiet between me leaving and him coming home- it will be a lot for her to deal with so I told her to rest up and to enjoy the peace for a little while before the harder stuff comes down the pipeline. They will have a nurse come by the home as well, if needed, and I made sure to set them up with as much as possible before I left. We all watch our parents get older, as we get older ourselves, and it’s an interesting chapter to say the least. It’s hard, it’s just hard. Let’s hold onto them as long as we can.
So after two days of driving there, and two days of driving back, I did come across some firsts. I now know that I CAN conquer bridges from a traveler’s nightmare….I 10 has TWO GIGANTIC bridges that when you come around a corner and see them, you have no choice but to go up. I literally prayed and sang all the way up one, trying to distract my brain from the “flight or fight” method because this sucker was STEEP! You know the kind that you are almost positive that you are never going to stop going up, and that you wonder what fresh hell is waiting there once you get to the top? OH and then one had traffic so thick that we all were braking on the way up- nothing like feeling like I could fall backwards at ANY point. Yes, I will be avoiding these on my road trip, thanks waiter, check please!
I got to visit my first “Buccees” which is a gas station on crack of any of you wondering. It’s like if Target and Wawa had a baby, and then Kwik Trip, 7/11 and so on came to party as well, making this giant Beaver baby that is Buccees. To tell you how large this place was, my gas pump was #222. Seriously. They have them lining one whole side of the building, in layers!! So the one in TX was smaller I guess, and it was manageable. I went in, checked it out, grabbed a chicken sandwich and a soda, and headed out. The one on the Alabama, FL Panhandle State line was something out of nightmares. It was ike a Black Friday sale met the busiest Disney day you can think of- I didn’t know if I could or should enjoy looking around with so many people shoved into one building. Half with masks, half without (even though CLEARLY marked that you must wear one inside). Grabbed a sandwich, a drink, some hot sauce for Kyra, and bolted. Not today Satan, not today.
If anything, it was a good dry run on driving long periods of time again. Honestly, this is what I will be trying to avoid on the trip. I want to only drive a couple hours in between destinations so that I may enjoy the excitement of that day and not get bogged down with all the driving. It’s odd how driving makes us so tired when we are literally just sitting with our foot on the gas, but I guess the inactivity is what does it. Day two this time I wound up driving for 15 hours due to Easter weekend traffic being horrific on the way into Florida on 75. Pretty sure I was delirious by the time I walked into the house- but oh so grateful to make it home safe and be with my family for Easter.
In an odd way, these reset moments help me process and cooperate with life’s messes a bit better each and every time they come along. It’s in the learning of how to cope with my emotions, how to spring into action when someone needs me, and more importantly, sidelining my life for a small sliver of time so that my heart and head are available to help someone else. It brought me much joy to hug my Mom, be there for her before and after, but more importantly, to SHOW her “You matter, I am here. You are not alone.” May we ALL have persons who will drop everything and show up for us, and may we all be that to someone in our lives. You may never know the impact your life may have on someone, but let’s try to make it a positive one. Perfection? Heck no. Kindness, compassion, empathy, being present? Hell yes. So as I hit the reset button, again, I wish you all a go on yours, may it be a fruitful and positive one!
As I sit here this week in the great State of Texas, I have had a lot of time to think. And boy, can I over think. In between hospital runs, taking care of Mom, trying to stay healthy myself, I do find my mind wandering to my next chapters in life and I get so incredibly scared. I turn on the news, which I can only handle in small doses anymore, and I get mad and frustrated. I am sure I am not the only one, and I find myself second guessing my road trip and what lies ahead for me BECAUSE of that fear. What if something happens? Am I prepared to handle all of this? Am I allowed to move forward past this?
Right now, I don’t know what will happen past Monday, and I hope and pray for the best. So my brain then goes to “What can I do now while I wait?” I cleaned up Mom’s place, put things away outside, done pretty much what I can physically here, and so then I try to focus on my life and the adventure that is ahead. And yes, then I feel bad. How can I plan for something fun for myself when my Mom and Bob are going through this? I know I have done everything I can, and I know my life has to keep moving forward, but it’s almost like this permission you have to give yourself to let go and move on. There is guilt in life’s pleasures when those around you are suffering, so do you suffer as well to envelop that empathy or do you celebrate that this chapter of darkness is not yours yet. You’d want someone to help you and support you through the hard times, but not to stop their life at the same time. It’s a really weird line to walk, a balancing act we find ourselves in when we least expect it. I lean into what I know is right and feels right, and then hope I GOT it right and that I DID it right.
I know Covid is out there, and I have been blessed thus far to have not gotten it. I can’t get the shot until I get home to Florida (so far), which I am happy to say my age group is up, so I hope to at least get that checked off upon returning home. But it worries me with it out there, on top of the mass shootings lately, I get this tinge in my tummy that what if I am putting myself somewhere that that could happen. But then reality wakes me up and says “It’s not changing any time soon, none of it. You have to go and keep living your life, fear cannot win.” I hate that voice, I wish she would just go get a drink and leave me alone to my overthinking sometimes. LOL I do what I can to stay safe in any circumstance, and again, hope I did enough. It is so random and you hope it will never be you next, or someone you love, but we all know that it could be, and that fear just sits under the skin. I guess anything could happen to me on the road, it could happen to me today, I just hope and pray every day that today isn’t the day. I think we all do.
I am still planning, still going, pending what happens here next. I have a couple of plans in place to help Mom and then it will be up to her and Bob what they do next. My routine is so messed up that I didn’t even realize how much I loved it until I didn’t have it anymore. I am giving my all to this, but still trying to hold onto the parts of me that were excited to go on my big adventure in the first place. I am basically planned through Montana at this point, with the reality and expectation that many plans will be made on the road. It is too much to book a year’s worth of hotel stays, and honestly, it’s more fun to do it in small bites. Hopefully once this chapter is done I can concentrate on the next.
Mom got her second dose yesterday for the vaccine, so I am happy she is now fully vaccinated. I have been masking up around everyone here as I am probably the lone duck standing. But hey, it’s fun to feel so young here. LOL Once this is over, I will definitely share my experience of living in a Senior Community, it’s interesting! So I am off to take her to the Hospital again, I hope everyone has a good day and still hoping that surgery happens Monday.
Hello from this windy Thursday in the deep heart of Texas. I have been here 4 days now and it’s been a long week of waiting, praying, hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst. Nobody wants to talk about it, but Mom and I both know to be ready for anything. So far he is still scheduled for surgery tomorrow, Friday the 26th, so we hope and we wait some more.
I am not going to lie, I am exhausted. I am doing everything in my power for my Mom and Bob, but we all know there is only so much I can do. Still cleaning, driving her anywhere she needs to be, helping her remember things to pack every day, preparing food and so on. We have their place here to “summer ize” before they head back to Wisconsin, so there’s a lot to do for that. Temps can be in the 100s here over the summer so they have to do a laundry list of things to prevent the heat and bugs from getting to things while they are gone. With Bob being in recovery mode, he will be unable to drive back to WI, and certainly not be able to wrap things up here. So Mom and I will hopefully find the strength and knowledge to get it all done.
Time frames are up in the air, it all depends on tomorrow. I am willing to stay as long as possible, and one scenario is having his son drive Bob and his car home to WI with Mom or I drive Mom up in mine, just for space wise. Then I will either fly back to Orlando and leave my car there and fly back and start the road trip there OR I will be driving all the way back to Florida and then resuming life from there as planned. Decisions….hate them. Emily’s birthday is in May, and I’d rather not miss it as it is a big one, but I also know I am needed here as long as possible. I did bring as much I could for the road trip in case I would be starting from here, always trying to think ahead, but I didn’t pack very well and a lot I forgot at home. Craig has offered to ship anything I need, so that option is always open.
Trying to keep busy, writing, and planning but my heart’s just not in it right now. My mom has this old bike that she wants to paint yellow and I thought about making it for her and adding flowers and then putting it in front to surprise her…but the problem with that is that they seem determined to leave for rehab possibly in WI rather than here, so I don’t want to add to more “stuff” to pack, put away, if they are planning on heading out soon. I wanted to get fresh flowers for Bob for the hospital and here at the house as a “get better” feel- but he’s allergic. I seem to keep going down these paths of wanting to do something but the end result keeps being a “wait and see”- so I am.
Yeah, this isn’t a post about a cool ghost tour or the Grand Canyon, wish it was, but just simply an update of life right now. I am not looking for pity or judgement, just good vibes and prayers for Bob’s surgery tomorrow and peace for my Mom’s heart and head. It will be a long one tomorrow, strength in whatever form is much appreciated. Sending much love to y’all from Pharr, Texas- have a good day.
I have learned that blogs are a sort of journal, a diary of sorts that we feel comfortable sharing with others. Maybe it’s the day to day life, maybe it’s a vacation we have taken or a hobby we have perfected. For me, I feel it is my own, little outreach program, where I can share my life in small doses with larger doses of magic and adventure. But sometimes, real life, and I mean the stuff that we never really want to talk about, sneaks in. Who would want to share the dark corners? What does that benefit to anyone? Well, it’s cathartic for the writer and usually relatable to the reader. That is the hope.
My step-dad had a heart attack last week and has been in the hospital ever since. Scheduled twice now for a triple bypass surgery, he has been waitlisted due to his tests. So Mom and Bob have been sitting in a hospital for a week tomorrow, and I had been on standby to help. Nothing is worse than waiting to see what someone needs and not being able to be with them, I can’t even begin to imagine the hell people have been living through with their loved ones in the hospitals suffering and/or dying- Covid or otherwise.
Once Mom said come, I left. I can’t be with her in the Hospital due to Covid rules, but at least she can. I reminded her that a year ago they would have never let her be with him, so that’s a good thing at least. I am here to drive her, food shop, make sure SHE is taken care of and mentally ok to handle all of this. I had that scary realization that I am at that “stage” in life where parents start to get sick, and the latter. We all know it’s coming, but who is ever actually ready for this??!? Good gravy, I certainly am not. I would like to stay in that hazy thinking that my parents will be around forever.
The drive took 2 days, 19 hours, and one really interesting stay in Baton Rouge, LA. I had stayed right after Spring Break, and every Fast Food place was depleted pretty bad, and the hotel I stayed at had a full house so there was a lot of “miscommunication” on what room was clean and which wasn’t. Again, this was such a rushed trip that I just booked something quickly so I didn’t have to do it on the road, but yeah, it wasn’t the best stay. Live and learn.
Grateful I am here safe and sound, tornadoes ripped through Austin the same day I was traveling in Texas. Mom lives really close to the border to Mexico, so I am pretty much as bottom as I can get in the U.S. right now. So happy to see her, so glad to be here to lift her through the anxiety and tears, and just at peace that she now has someone to help her get through this.
Bob is doing ok, they have him walking around, trying to get him to eat more. But they are frustrated as the surgery has been moved twice now, so the anxiety of waiting around for this BIG thing to happen has him and Mom very stressed. She is only allowed to come in and out once, so while she sits with him at the Hospital, I am cleaning up her home, washing dishes, and eventually packing them up to head back home to Wisconsin once he is able too. I don’t know how long I will be here….Mom asked how long I could stay and I said as long as she needs me. These are the real moments, the ones where you can help the most. I am just very happy and relieved that I could be here at all.
So there’s the update. Many have messaged me (thank you) and I just thought a quick message here would let everyone know what’s going on. So please pray for him on Thursday that everything is ok and he then starts his road to recovery. Thanks for the love, support, and good wishes….they help, they are appreciated, and they matter.
Today was one of those days where you are not sure just what happened. I woke up with a crazy migraine, and after getting it to go at least from a 9 to a 2, I wanted to write. I was SO EXCITED to share my “Spread Kindness Tour” with everyone, so happy to find out ideas and thoughts on what I could do to make this World a little brighter. So I posted, and then I dropped off a package at Pop Century for a dear friend, and then on the way I got news that my Step Dad had a heart attack and my Mom was a mess. Ready to jump a plane to Texas, Mom said to hold off and wait, and so I have. Praying all day, worrying about my Mom and Bob, trying to stay busy with something while I waited for news. And of course, I checked Facebook. I hoped maybe someone left a kind comment, that someone may have liked my idea of the kindness tour. NOPE. I got this instead…. A hateful, personal, cruel attack on my character, my intention, and who they perceived me to be.
I really thought about not posting it, sharing it, or even giving this a second thought. Some will always tell you “Don’t feed the beast.” BUT this was personal, this wasn’t some troll, this was someone with a personal vendetta that needed to unload. I am not comfortable talking about it, I would rather be doing something else, but I AM TIRED OF THE BULLYING. Call it WHAT IT IS. I don’t know if it is Society now, that we feel the need to unload on someone and then walk away without a care about how you made someone feel or what. Or how people waste their precious time on this Earth making fake accounts just to go and bash people who are just living their lives. I don’t know or understand it, I just know that if I don’t like someone, something, whatever it is, I just don’t follow them anymore. Period. We are not in grade school anymore, and to have to address this in my 40s is hella ridiculous.
To set the record straight, and I don’t have too, I like to travel. (Hear the gasping) HOW I live my life is my life, and how you live your life is yours. I don’t beg for money, if you want to donate, then hey, thanks! I have shared the magic for years, been a great resource for MANY who have moved to Florida in the last 10 years, and have met lots of cool and amazing people. And then those people offered me a place to stay on my trip, and I have literally hand crocheted blankets, brought Disney Souvenirs, surprised the kids in the homes with toys, etc… But hey, I bet they are pretty worked up about throwing my sheets in the wash. CLEARLY if someone is or was worried about my hygiene then or now, they wouldn’t invite me over…PERIOD.
Sure, people have bought me lunch, it was super kind of them. Free haircuts? Ah, no. Free groceries? Yup, someone sent me some as a kind gesture when we literally were in a car accident and someone was being nice. Am I supposed to feel bad about that? Am I not ALLOWED to accept kindness from others? Because if that’s the case, then this trip is going to be a mighty short one if people aren’t allowed to accept it from me. The hubby working? Yup, I bet yours does too! Taking my kids to school? Not only did I do it in WI but SHOCKER I did it ALSO in Florida! College, High School AND Junior High!!! OMG AMY TOOK THE KIDS TO SCHOOL??? Puhleease…. I mean, what?? Of course I did! The kids not being at Disney with me is actually the funniest comment of them all. Why? Because my girls didn’t want to be on the blog all the time, and I respected that, so I would take pics when we were in the Parks, hence making it look like I am there by myself (back in the day). Currently? YUP, I am there by myself BECAUSE my family doesn’t have AP’s anymore due to Covid. So I am the one who goes in, shares the magic all the time with all of you, and then takes my sweaty rear to my sweaty car and I go home and do laundry. SCANDULOUS!!!
Thanksgiving? Wow, this person has some memory and clearly needs more of a life. I literally met up with Beatrice to do Safari while the Turkey was in the oven…. In 2011!!! PEOPLE THIS IS 10 YEARS AGO!!! LOL . Craig probably did make it, my cooking sucks. But why would that be something that sticks with someone? Why care about me enjoying a Safari ride and then going home to have Thanksgiving with my family when the turkey was done? I had a great time at Animal Kingdom, I LOVE Bea, and I had a great day with my family. THAT is what you want to rant on me for???
As far as the personal attack on my marriage, it seems that some are simply obsessed with hurting you. That no matter the life path you are taking, they see it as a road of revenge, hurt, and anger. They never know what’s going on, and even when I have talked about things in the past, I enjoyed sharing with others who were going through the same trials and tribulations. It was healing, it was helpful, and it is what it is. But to wish that someone’s hubby leaves them is cold and cruel, and boy you have NO idea what you are talking about.
This “person” is hiding behind a keyboard because they are ashamed. They are ashamed, and even when I reached out to ask who they were and to talk to me like an adult, I still got the same lingo, all the while being a coward. So if you’re reading this, and we all know you are, please, stop following me. I don’t know why you would follow someone you CLEARLY hate, but why spend the time to even bully me for the last 10 years? Your right, this World is in a State, and if it shows ANYONE, it is that you live EVERY second with passion and vigor. There is no time to be hating on each other and sending this kind of toxic garbage at people. I KNOW people are jealous, I also know that ANYONE else who had this opportunity they would take it in a heartbeat! They would NOT want someone bashing them for something they have worked hard for and are excited for.
You see, this is why I stopped writing years ago. People like this, who felt the need to bully, pile on hate, and basically set a mob on you for something they perceived I said or did. Let me be VERY CLEAR, I VOWED that when I came back to the writing world, I would NEVER bow down to bullies like you again. I would take a stand, I would write from the heart, and I would move forward being my truest self. Haters like you will NEVER win, and you just made me want to spread the kindness even more. So I hope you find peace, I hope you got it out of your system, and I hope you think twice before coming for me again. I may be kind, I may be sweet, but I am not stupid. Remember that.
I don’t know if you are like me, but I wake up with this insane amount of energy (pending I actually got some good sleep). I either walk, run, or get my steps in at the Parks, but I usually find that my exercise suits me best in the morning. On my cool downs is when I get the best ideas, the most crystal clear of clarity on things, and I just get stuff FINALLY done. (In my head anyways). So when I hit this wall of nothingness, my motivations plunges so deep that it feels like I never had it. No, I’m not depressed, quite the opposite, just have lost my mojo right now.
My family feels it is exhaustion and stress from the sale and that it will play itself out- they are probably right. Funny thing is, I can write this with no problem. But the amazing travels I want to share, the beautiful pictures, the ideas and suggestions for you all, they are all written down, but nothing is coming out. Some say writers block, must be it. So I have been working on other things to keep my mind busy. First, I have given the old girl a facelift….not me, I am beautiful and don’t need one, I mean ye old website. I have breathed fresh air into her and I LOVE how she looks. If you are wondering where the HEADER pic was taken, it was at Glacier National Park. If I had to envision Heaven, it would be that or “Flight of Passage.” My absolute FAVORITE National Park, so much that I plan on seeing it again this summer along with my dear friend and her family in Kalispell, Montana.
The planning has also been slow coming, and even though I broke it down into months, then seasons, then sections, then weeks, it is STILL overwhelming. I know I decided this and I know it will be AWESOME when I actually start it, but I always set these HIGH expectations in my head so much that the narrative I have on not dissappointng myself or you, sits on a reel on repeat. Honestly, it can be maddening at times, and then I just kind of snap out of it and go on with my day. A dear friend gifted me CBD oil for my migraines, so maybe that will help calm everything going on in there. I have so many wonderful ideas and plans that I seem to need to get them out NOW instead of taking a decent pace in life. OR I need to kick caffeine.
Everyone has been getting their stuff from my sale, so I am VERY happy about that. So much work and then with the Post Office being slower these days, I just held my breath and prayed everyone saw their stuff. The items that didn’t sell I am trying to figure out what to do with them. I thought about just showing one item a day and that way it’s not overwhelming to people, and they can buy as they choose without digging through a sale of 800 items. Yes, that’s how many there were LOL. The lady at the Post Office actually asked me and I told her and she said “Wait you did this all by yourself?” Yes, yes I did. Happy people are happy with their new found treasures, happy that I have some funds now for my trip and have let go of a dear collection.
So what’s next? I have some fun announcements to make once everything is “ready.” It’s been a time getting and gathering for the next “thing” on here, and I SO appreciate my TEAM who help me on this side of things. They say you have life made if you have a really good Dentist, Doctor, Car Mechanic, and IT guy. I would have to add Graphic Designer to that- JT has been incredibly valuable and is SO MUCH appreciated!
I have roughly 2.5 months left until my World opens up and closes all at the same time. I am trying to get ready as much as possible, and with every plan made, I start to panic. What if I get lonely on the road, what if noone watches my videos that I worked so hard on, what if nobody cares? And then the real Amy stood up and said “Do it for yourself, share what you want, when you want, how you want. This site, it comes second. Your joy, my joy, it comes first, ALWAYS. People will love and hate you every damn day, and it’s how you react, how you take that internally that truly keeps you from letting it BECOME you. Be who YOU are and the right kind will follow you and the wrong will fall away. Let your internal narrative shout of positivity and of courage, be brave in your choices and ALLOW them to be yours. You do not NEED permission, you do not NEED their acceptance, you only need YOURS.”