Rising Above the Fear when Dreaming Big
So as most of you know by now, I am heading on the road again this summer, maybe even sooner. My big idea, or dream, is to see all 48 States within a year and finish them with a trip to Alaska and Hawaii- life and money permitting. I dream big, this is what I have been doing since moving to Florida in 2011….somehow I have convinced myself I can do anything my mind says I can. And yet….the voice of fear has grown louder these days.
It’s not something fun to admit or even write about, yet so cathardic to put on paper what I have been feeling lately because I want people to know that these BIG ideas come with sharp edges. I want to share my adventures, to inspire others to get out into this big, blue World and see everything it has to offer. Yes, I know that this World is a bit upside down these days and more cautions are needed to enjoy the smallest of things, but I refuse to put a period where a comma should be.
Being on the road for a year is no easy task, and I am going into this like a mission. With all the beauty to see, I want to spread kindness by random and not so random acts, across this great Nation. I am hoping that by raising money to help others will also help those dark days where I start to feel lonely. Thankfully I don’t suffer from depression, but I do have anxiety attacks from time to time when I feel cornered. I mean, don’t we all?
So with that said, fear does set in from time to time when I have moments of quiet in my day. Will I be good enough? Will I enjoy it, will others enjoy it? Will it be worth it? I know some will think, why are you doing it then if you are scared or hesitant. Well, I can tell you that EVERYTHING in my life that I have done thus far that has scared me to the core, has always, in some way, paid off. Moving here was terrifying, leaving was terrifying, starting to write again was terrifying, and always putting myself out there for ridicule and judgement on a daily basis is terrifying. I have learned that inspiration always comes with consequences, ones you never saw coming. You deal, you breathe, you move on.
I think fear is my biggest hurdle for this adventure and I know that as I check off every day leading up to this, that feeling will either shrink or grow. Once I can put that to bed, there’s nothing stopping me. So as I prepare my maps, my plans, who I am staying with or visiting, what route, etc…I will be battling this demon until the moment I shut the car door. Then the hope is to leave it in my driveway in Florida, pull up my big girl pants, and drive away. It goes back to that old saying “What would we be capable of if we weren’t scared?” I guess I am going to find out…stay tuned.
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