Yesterday I bought my plane ticket to head home to WI next month, and it came across my mind about how much I wanted to see my old friends. As I thought about it more, I really started to think about my family’s friends and how they really haven’t been able to connect with theirs like I have. It inspired this blog post, and I hope it makes you think as well- enjoy!
I have always been a people person- I love to make friends and be around those who I can bring as much to the friendship as they bring me. The kids had their friends when we left WI, but due to timing, school, and unfortunately cost, we just haven’t been able to get the kids back up to WI yet to see their friends they left.
Now Emily had a couple close ones, that we had hoped would stay in touch with her. She mailed out snail mail letters to the girls, but I believe only got one response back. Because FB seems to become a social drama scene, I don’t want my youngest on there until she is old enough to handle it. We have hooked her up with other means to talk to other kids, but she just never seemed to get a hold of those in WI she missed. Then it dawned on me, maybe it was God’s way of cutting all ties for her so she could start over here in her new state.
It got me thinking on all of it… why do we bother keeping certain ties intact when sometimes the pain of missing them can overshadow some of the best memories made with them? I am not saying at all to cut ties, but maybe the reason we “drift apart” from people when we move is a simple human nature mechanism that God has installed for us to let go of the pain.
The other side of this is Belle, who kept up certain friendships through Social Media. But because she didn’t cut off ties all together, she saw her friends graduate from her old High School and I am sure it brought pain to her that was totally unnecessary. Again, being able to stay tied to her old life helped her cope with this past year- but sometimes I feel that if she didn’t have a way of seeing them at all that maybe she would have been able to move on easier.
I know of friends who have made the choice to leave their old life and never look back- with zero plans of ever revisiting. I am happy to say I never felt like that, and that I always intended to go back and visit my friends and family. I really don’t want my friendships to fizzle and fade because of the relocation, but at the same time I have to be real about it. No longer am I seeing them once a week in choir, or hanging at their houses- it’s already changed. I guess it’s how hard you want to work at keeping the friendship alive, no matter what miles lie between you.
I am not going to lie, I really thought that with all the distance now that certain friends would wind up forgetting I ever existed. It’s not a pity party for one, I just sincerely believed that once I left WI that life would, and has, went on without myself and my family there and that our footprint left may or may not be remembered anymore.
So it goes back to the title of this blog, do you cut all ties or try and keep them intact? I guess it depends on what the relationship meant to you and the person, and if time and distance is a factor. It is crucial to give your new life a chance to flourish, and how can it if you still have one foot left from whence you came? Maybe it would be smarter to cut ties for a good 6 months, maybe even a year, to give everyone in your family a chance to find their footing together without involving everyone else’s influences. Friends are important to one’s life, I know this first hand, but sometimes their place in your life has a shelf life and a season. We need them when we need them, and when it comes to the ties we have made, sometimes loving them is all the connection we need.
When your relocation time comes, you will be faced with these choices. I hope that the ramblings of this Relocated Tourist helps somewhat in your decisions. God bless your weekend.