Cutting all Ties or Keeping Them Intact

Yesterday I bought my plane ticket to head home to WI next month, and it came across my mind about how much I wanted to see my old friends. As I thought about it more, I really started to think about my family’s friends and how they really haven’t been able to connect with theirs like I have. It inspired this blog post, and I hope it makes you think as well- enjoy!

I have always been a people person- I love to make friends and be around those who I can bring as much to the friendship as they bring me.  The kids had their friends when we left WI, but due to timing, school, and unfortunately cost, we just haven’t been able to get the kids back up to WI yet to see their friends they left.

Now Emily had a couple close ones, that we had hoped would stay in touch with her. She mailed out snail mail letters to the girls, but I believe only got one response back. Because FB seems to become a social drama scene, I don’t want my youngest on there until she is old enough to handle it. We have hooked her up with other means to talk to other kids, but she just never seemed to get a hold of those in WI she missed.  Then it dawned on me, maybe it was God’s way of cutting all ties for her so she could start over here in her new state.

It got me thinking on all of it… why do we bother keeping certain ties intact when sometimes the pain of missing them can overshadow some of the best memories made with them?  I am not saying at all to cut ties, but maybe the reason we “drift apart” from people when we move is a simple human nature mechanism that God has installed for us to let go of the pain.

The other side of this is Belle, who kept up certain friendships through Social Media. But because she didn’t cut off ties all together, she saw her friends graduate from her old High School and I am sure it brought pain to her that was totally unnecessary.  Again, being able to stay tied to her old life helped her cope with this past year- but sometimes I feel that if she didn’t have a way of seeing them at all that maybe she would have been able to move on easier.

I know of friends who have made the choice to leave their old life and never look back- with zero plans of ever revisiting.  I am happy to say I never felt like that, and that I always intended to go back and visit my friends and family. I really don’t want my friendships to fizzle and fade because of the relocation, but at the same time I have to be real about it. No longer am I seeing them once a week in choir, or hanging at their houses- it’s already changed.  I guess it’s how hard you want to work at keeping the friendship alive, no matter what miles lie between you.

I am not going to lie, I really thought that with all the distance now that certain friends would wind up forgetting I ever existed. It’s not a pity party for one, I just sincerely believed that once I left WI that life would, and has, went on without myself and my family there and that our footprint left may or may not be remembered anymore.

So it goes back to the title of this blog, do you cut all ties or try and keep them intact? I guess it depends on what the relationship meant to you and the person, and if time and distance is a factor.  It is crucial to give your new life a chance to flourish, and how can it if you still have one foot left from whence you came? Maybe it would be smarter to cut ties for a good 6 months, maybe even a year, to give everyone in your family a chance to find their footing together without involving everyone else’s influences. Friends are important to one’s life, I know this first hand, but sometimes their place in your life has a shelf life and a season. We need them when we need them, and when it comes to the ties we have made, sometimes loving them is all the connection we need.

When your relocation time comes, you will be faced with these choices. I hope that the ramblings of this Relocated Tourist helps somewhat in your decisions. God bless your weekend.

6 thoughts on “Cutting all Ties or Keeping Them Intact

  • I feel that through Facebook, I am still involved in every-day lives of my friends back in NC. Even my friends growing up have become CLOSER through the Internet & I left there 20 years ago. I have not made the connections in the FL gym that I had back in NC but I feel that in the bigger city & traffic = more DRIVE TIME to work & I’m gone 12 hrs a day most weekdays…so I guess I just need to focus on my workout at the gym & trying to get home. I seem to be MORE involved in my Disney Chats (Mondays= Relocated Tourist Chat at 8pm), Podcasts & Disney Facebook Friends….so life & friends do somewhat change…but the special people are always there & thanks to the Internet, they’re just a click away with daily pictures, updates & messages to put a smile on my face and keep me moving forward in my happy place. 🙂

  • Whether you’ve relocated or not it can be difficult to keep up with friends when you have busy lives, I believe the important people understand and pop into your life whenever that connection can be made. I hope your family continue to enjoy new friends and experiences 🙂

    • I understand the drama that’s why I’m so glad you can un-friend and delete. Those two have become my best friends at times…lol!

  • I just relocated myself and I have to say I have been in touch with very few of my friends and some family members too. I have a 14 year old that it was hard to disconnect from friends but once we went back to visit (only after being gone a few months) she realized, on her own, that it was time to move on. That made me and my husband feel better. She has a few that keep in touch and she’s ok with that. She is homeschooled and I am a sahm so we haven’t made too many connections here in Tampa yet. We have taken this time to explore and get to know our surroundings and enjoy our new beginnings. Thanks for sharing this it has been a great confirmation for me that we will be ok and that there are more people out there going through the same struggle and doing just fine. Hope to meet you and your family soon. 🙂

  • I think you are right when you mention God having a hand in what relationships last and those that softly fade. Communication is a two way street so the person who relocated doesnt have to do all the work. I have had many friends that have faded but also many that life gets busy and I don’t talk to for months but then in one contact it seems that we haven’t missed a step. Or like recently I get a call from a friend I haven’t seen for 10 years but we have each somehow always kept each other on the “friends list”. Happy fathers day and have a fun and safe trip home.