With my impending family visit, the gears in my head have been working overtime. Finding a balance with family has been a little tougher than I had once thought, and it warranted a sharing that I thought you would all enjoy.
I have noticed that when I lived close to my parents, Craig too, that everything was obviously as it should be. We got together for the holidays, brat frys, and birthdays. But what happens to all of those normal annual events when you move away? When you don’t live near them at all? Obviously, there is change.
Here is the problem: Mom is coming for a visit, with Bob, along with Craig’s mom and dad. I am thrilled they are coming, but then I realized how much I had missed celebrating with them. Yes, birthday cards and packages can be mailed, but having them all here, FOR REAL, makes celebrating almost priority.
Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Kyra’s Graduation, Emily’s Birthday, oh and all of THEIR Birthdays we didn’t get to see them for also. It is really overwhelming, and I am sure I am putting more stress on myself than needed. We skyped Christmas with my parents this year and it was very hard to enjoy- it wasn’t the same. I feel like I should be decorating my house with every holiday known to man for their arrival.
It’s funny, but I remember talking to a particular co-worker who would tell me about their Thanksgivings with the family and that was when everyone comes in town- they would have not only celebrate that, but also Christmas. It just isn’t something I ever gave full thought to until this past year.
Yes, I thought about “how” I would cope with this- and dealt with it every time a special day came up. But I can also say that the “specialness” of those days wasn’t necessarily what the celebration was, but the combo of it with the relative I was sharing it with.
My point? Relocating changes family dynamics, traditions, and relationships. No one wants it too, but it happens. I believe we all don’t think it will, we all say in our heads or even out loud “We will get together.” But life happens, and when in a new town/city/state things are constantly taking your attention, that sometimes it’s easy to forget what you left behind. “Out of sight, out of mind” will never be your family, you will always love them- but the relationship you had with them will change whether you like it or not.
My advice? Well, don’t procrastinate on any of the celebrations, whether you live close or not. Keep up with the birthdays, calling and staying in touch will help any relationship. Making the effort shows that you truly care about them and whether they ever reciprocate it or not should never matter. Find a way to make it work, because this is how things are now and I have to tell myself that almost every day.
Now I want to reiterate, I AM OK….some of you read these posts like I may be typing them in some corner rocking back and forth. I reassure you I am fine, like everything about my blog, it is about keeping it real. I have heard MANY of you say “I could never leave my ________ behind.” Well, I did, and so did Craig, and this is just one of those oddities born from it. Keep it in mind and have a great day.