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Letting the Air out of the “G” in “Guilt”

I have heard it a hundred times… the minute it leaves my mouth… “I’m moving to Florida” and I get 8 out of 10 times “Aren’t you going to miss your family?”  Well, OF COURSE I will, and as the time draws to a close here, the feelings start to intensify on every level.  Since I promised I would always tell you the truth on all sides of relocation, today’s is all about dealing with the GUILT side of it all.  Grab a cup of Joe, sit back, and enjoy today’s read.  I do know it is Fridays with Friends day, and our friend will be sharing the spotlight today, but only because we are getting so close to the end here.

I have been within 20 miles of my own Mother since leaving the nest in 1993. For the almost 18 years I have been married, she has never been farther than a stone’s throw away .  I took online College courses, so I never left home to go to school- and having been married literally a year after High School, she has been there for every major event- including IN the birthing rooms of both of my girls.  So, how am I dealing with the guilt that after 36 years I won’t have her close anymore? Well, if me crying while I write this is any indication, I am struggling with it.  Here’s the thing, you can’t have it ALL.  I know people THINK they have it all, but you really can’t.  Life is all about choices, and this dream with Carl and the girls is so special to me, that I know it will hopefully outgrow the pain of leaving my Mom.  Now, she is coming to visit in the Fall with the RV, and then for Christmas, and hopefully I may even go to visit her in the Spring next year, pending WI has no snow when I arrive.

So how do you deal with it?  I simply talked to her about it. She has on more than one occasion said these words “Go live your dreams, I will be fine.”  I know she will be, even if my Step-Dad on occasion drives her nuts, but I know that the relationship we have had oh these many years is about to change.  My brother lives in MN, so he never really visits that much, and my Dad lives in WI too, but he might as well live on another planet because he isn’t the “visit” type either.  So it’s felt like Me and Mom these past years, and I have been ok with that because she is my best friend.

With all that said, you can’t live your life around pleasing others.  If you have a dream, OWN it, and live it out!  God put us on this Earth to do his will, and I feel that our dreams ARE his will and that he places them in our hearts and minds to go and live them out.  He knows we love our families and friends, and you don’t have to tell me twice how important LOVE and FAMILY is.  But my Mom even said, “You can’t stay here just to avoid the pain of leaving.”  And that is SOOOOOO true!   But, the pain is real and it still hurts.

So, as the Mark Schultz song goes, “What Do You Do With The Time That’s Left?”  Of course in the song, he is talking about on this Earth, where as when I hear it, I’m thinking of it in terms of my WI clock ticking away.  We are down to 2 weeks today, and the pain of saying goodbye is trying to get a hold of me.  I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t sad to say goodbye, but I feel like there is something greater and bigger waiting for all of us in FL that I could never dream of.

Deal with the guilt as best you can, because it is just a part of this process.  It isn’t the type of guilt you feel if you have stolen something, or lied to someone- it’s the kind that roots in love and maybe just makes us all aware of how good we did have it, but better things are to come.  I am dealing, and as I write this at 5 a.m. on the floor of my empty living room, I am quite grateful I have this blog to write out how I feel and share with others the many stages of moving.  What did help for me is reminders of WHY we made this choice, WHY we want to live there, and WHY we don’t want to live HERE anymore.  It would certainly help me right now if we had 10 inches of snow outside to REALLY remind me! LOL Alas, it’s going to be in the 70’s today. Well, I have to go prep the yard sale for Day Two, and hopefully the last one, as it seems it’s going to rain tomorrow.  Blog will go up tonight or tomorrow about the yard sale with lots of pictures.

I leave you with this…You will never know the power of a dream until you pursue it.

6 Comments »

  1. Ellie, you will get through this.

    I know, we made the same decision nearly three years ago. We have led nearly parallel lives when I read how close you and your Mom are, and yes, it is very difficult to leave. We left our entire extended family behind. But it has been strengthening in several ways.

    My 84 year old Mom has gotten stronger. She can fly alone now (she never would before) and she comes here all summer and over the Holidays. And we go back to CT every fall. (Love Southwest and Jet Blue’s discount fares, BTW). And it has made me stronger in a way I never imagined.

    I brought my CT job here when we moved and was working from our home. We live 12 minutes from EPCOT and it was our dream to get out of the CT cold weather and live near the “World”. We planned for months and made the move. Everything was going well when, boom, one year later, I got laid off from my CT employer. Here alone, not knowing where to even find the companies that were in my field, I found a support network, got licensed in the State of FL and now work for a major firm here. I would have never left my old job if we were still up north. And it was killing me. I had been working 60 hours a week for almost 17 years, and I was so stressed. This new job and made me new friends, a different layer to knowing my industry with no stress and has brought me closer to my faith and I have come to lean on God. All of this has made me stronger and has eased that guilt layer a lot.

    I wish you the best and hope this move is all you hope it will be. Hang in there! We are so happy for you! Hope we’ll “see” you soon!

  2. Love the last quote. What can I say, great blog post. We’re waiting to move because one, waiting for my daughter to finish school and two, my wife and I both have elderly parents with health issues. And I’ve got that guilt that Catholic mothers love to lay on you. So I can relate somewhat. I worked with a very wise old woman who once told me “life is not just what you make of it, it’s what you take from it”. Meaning take whatever opportunity life throws you. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. You need to make yourself happy. It’s amazing what doors open when another closes.

  3. I love your blogs and your insight on things. We are also planning to move to FLA before the end of the year. My mom has lived next door to us for 22 years. I see her every day. The move is going to be really hard.

    My mom has a computer and is not afraid to use it!! She can even Instant Message so it will not be hard to keep in touch daily/weekly.

    I always stress the positive. We are hoping she will visit for the winter. We live in New England and the snow can be very stressfull, as I’m sure you are fully aware :).

    Good luck on selling all your “stuff”. Take Care.

  4. It was great to meet you today after living so close all this time. I totally understand about not wanting to leave your mom. My mom and dad divorced when I was 2 and its has been me and my mom forever. However my mom fells the same about Disney World as I do and would mostly follow us if/when we would make the journey south. Live your dream Amy, it would make your mom happy!

  5. I just have to add, your mom said it best. ——You really can’t stay somewhere just because it’s too painful to leave.

    I bet she shows up in Florida often. You’re so blessed. So am I.

  6. Love the quote:)

    I am very close to both my parents and my two sisters.
    Like you I never left home to go to college.
    I left 19 years ago when I got married.

    We lived for aprox 4 years in an appartment 5 minutes from my parents home, and when the house next to them was for sale we jumped at the chance and bought the house.

    So it will be very hard for me if we ever get the opportunity to pursue our dream.
    But I won’t say no if we ever get the chance because living in Orlando is my biggest dream.

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