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When Will My Life Begin?

While cleaning my never ending basement of stuff,  I was listening to my Ipod with Tangled music I had received for Christmas.  As much as I love the song “See the Light,” and I relate to it very much, I relate to another song more.  “When Will My Life Begin” seems to be my theme song these days. Why? Well, pull up a chair and I will explain.

No, I don’t live in a tower. And sadly,  I wish I did HALF of what Rapunzel did before 7 am every day, I can barely  get my youngest daughter and myself ready for work and school on time.  I am getting to that point of my life, where I want the life I have wanted, for some time now, to START.  I feel like I am constantly preparing, planning, packing, purging….sometimes I just want to get on a plane and leave now. Is this how brides feel? I know I was one, but I didn’t have the big wedding with everything, plus it was 17 years ago.  The constant wanting of a life that seems to never come to fruition because of timing? As much as I want it now, being ready is so important when relocating, and I just have to repeat that to myself over and over again.

I feel like I am living two lives. One is here in Wisconsin- with the familiar, the comfortable, and the well-known.  My other life sits in Florida-new friends who wait for me, excitement of my new life beginning there with my family, and oh the warm weather… how it taunts me so.  I am trying my hardest to not let the weather get to me here.  The snow seems to come every couple of days, and it’s not a dusting, but a dumping.  I get so tired of not being able to enjoy the fresh air months at a time.  We took the kids sledding this past weekend, and it was so cold, we could only do it for a half hour.  So any time we seem to get outside is limited to how long our fingers and toes stay warm.  I bought Jessie’s snow pants last month, and I told the Sales Associate- “This is the LAST pair of snow pants I am buying!”   I swear, if FL didn’t have cold snaps occasionally, I would burn every last Winter coat, jacket, scarve, glove, boot..etc.

We have a great plan in place, and with that plan takes time. I hate that. I hate waiting for something and I am so impatient. I tell you this because I am just trying to be honest about this entire process. It sounds like I am having a bad day, which couldn’t be far from the truth. Today was a HUGE day in our household ,  as Carl and I had a celebratory dinner to commemorate the first of many days of saving.  Our first deposit towards our move is incredibly exciting to us, because it is another step towards reality meeting dream.  I just need to learn patience… which God is teaching me over these cold never ending months. Please Lord… move it along faster, or take away the snow, please.

I have to say, it is rough hearing about friends who are enjoying their lives so much in Florida right now while I freeze to death starting my car.  I don’t know how we would have dealt with ANOTHER winter- thank God we moved it up to this year.  I think sometimes it just doesn’t feel real because life is still moving on every day like we would normally.  Kids head to school, Carl and I work usually every week day, and the nightly activities of choir and such still move ahead.  Nothing seems to be different, until I open my lap top and see all of my wonderful friends smiling back at me.  Your constant encouragement, support, and love has been food for my soul.  We will all need you more than ever over the next months as it gets closer and closer and the stress sprinkled with excitement really starts to build.  Thanks for being there for me and my family through all of the good and the bad… I promise the ride will be worth it.

5 Comments »

  1. I know what you mean. When I was planning to retire and move to my house in Celebration, I was cranky with the day-to-day details of my “old” life. Now that I am in Celebration, I realize that I have the rest of my life to enjoy and those last few months in Oregon went like lightening.

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  2. I am wondering too, “when will MY life begin?” You are so much further in the process that I have yet to start.
    June will be here sooner then you think 🙂

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  3. I understand how you feel! We have had over 110 inches of snow so far this year and these winter seasons have just worn my wife and I down. But with each box we pack and each bag of stuff we donate we can see it all coming together. Soon we put our house on the market and then the real waiting begins!

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  4. Thank you so much for posting so honestly, Amy… while I await the same journey soon, reading your similar emotions makes me feel less guilty for sometimes wanting to rush through these next 3-4 months of my life. I want to be thankful for the time I have left here with friends (though I, too, am DONE with the snow already!!!), but there are some–and honestly, most–days when I just want to get a move on it!

    In some ways, I feel as though it might be part of being prepared and maybe it even lends us a little bravery–as much as I’m ready for a new dream, it’s still many parts unknown, and that’s always somewhat intimidating. Some days I chastise myself for not keeping a closer eye on my blessings in my current life, and some days I think the feelings of being so ready I could burst are also blessings in themselves somehow. Does that make any sense at all?

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  5. Amy,

    Reading this was honestly such a huge relief! I’m NOT alone in how much I want to go back home!

    We’ll cope, both of us, even with our poor Florida-prepped cars getting stuck in the endless white stuff!

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